imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary

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Survey of Randomness

Dear friends and readers:

This is the type of entry I've managed to avoid for a good long while, but I'm currently bored and considering myself to be quite hilarious.

My good friend Xavier sent me this random survey. His answers were pretty funny, but I think mine were even better. Also, this is my site, so I'll post what I please. Many of the remarks were jabs at Xavier. If you knew him, you'd make fun of him too. Without apology or further explanation, I present you with

Survey of Randomness

Editorial comments appear in asterisks.

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Chicago. Coolest city in the world, bitches.

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
My flannel-dy sleepin-in shorts.

3. IF YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN YOUR NAME, WHAT WOULD IT HAVE BEEN?
I suppose my parents did a pretty good job. If they could have worked Pagan in there it would have saved my friends some trouble. *Xavier calls me Megan the Pagan. I don't know why. He's an idiot.* I also like Hazel. It was one of my great-ish grandmothers' names. I'm not sure which one. I like it though.

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
The Red Hot Chili Peppers Greatest Hits (don't judge, it wasn't mine, it was a gift I swear)

5. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
I think I'll go with Chicago again. The Shedd Aquarium is totally awesome. And I like Lake Michigan. The toxicity makes it all the more attractive to me.

6. WHERE IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
I agree with Xavier that the flames of hell would probably suck, but at least I know all my friends would be there. That wreck I was in with all the flipping and skidding and cutting of the roof was pretty fucked up. I wouldn't like to be there again.

7. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING AND GO TO SLEEP?
Well, due to work related some such, I have to get up at 6 damn 15 in the damn morning. Damn. Which means I wind up unconscious by some pathetic time like 10 or 11. But this past spring I did a lot of not sleeping for 24-36 hours at a time. Them was good times.

8. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Electric carving knife. Draw your own conclusions. *While that was my funny answer, I would like to add that since that time I've had the opportunity to use an actual mixer. Like, the kind that spins the bowl and everything so that you don't have to. It was awesome. Making cookies has never been so easy. I'm glad I spent that $2 at a yard sale. Also, get on the Quaker website and check out the pumpkin cookies. They're freakin awesome.*

9. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Xavier. Bees kind of piss me off too. And old people that drive. Damn, I hate those old people.

10. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The key-tar! Just kidding. I'd like to be able to play the piano and the guitar. I can't pick one over the other. I'm too lazy to play either, though. Alas.

11. FAVORITE COLOR(S)?
Blue, but a cooler blue than Xavier's blue.

12. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
There's a Wocket in my Pocket is my favorite book, you whore. *Xavier had also picked said book. I was justifiably angry.* But I also liked the Little Critter books. And that Where Did I Come From? book was a hoot. It got me in a lot of trouble too. Damn book.

13. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
How about you quit stealing my answers. You can't be me, Xavier. Just accept it. You don't have the proper genitalia. *Again, he stole my answer, which was fall.*

14. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Laser vision. I likes cuttin stuff!

15. TATTOO? WHAT IS IT?
I have none. But now that I'm not a Mormon it's not against my religion! I should get one, just to spite my conservative past! Woo! Spite!

16. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
No. But how about I give you these bottles of nitro glycerin and you teach me?

17. THE ONE PERSON FROM THE PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
I wanna talk to William Wallace! QUIT BEING JUST LIKE ME! QUIT IT! *That answer stealing bitch.* I'd also like to go back and slap Jo Smith around a bit. I'd sing "dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb," *South Park reference, for the less educated among us.* at him while he tried to convert folk. It'd also be fun to go back in time and tell Xavier's parents what a miserable failure their son would turn out to be so that they wouldn't have him.

Just...kidding...yes.

18. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Halloween! Woo! Also, my birthday. And I suppose Crimmus. As long as I get lots of stuff.

19. WHAT IS IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
Several boxes of my belongings that I don't have room for in my current home, a tackle box full of tools (which I suppose makes it a tool box), a lot of random trash, the last hooker Xavier had to take out of his trunk to make room for the current one. *Xavier's answer involved a dead hooker, obviously.*

20. SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hamburger, but with cheese, like some type of cheese-burger. Yes, a cheese-burger.

21. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL E-MAIL WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
*This answer was pointless since this is no longer an email.*

22. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY?
Probably God. I mean, he knows I'm sending this to you, and he probably get a copy of it himself, but I seriously doubt he's going to answer me. It's not like he answers when people talk to him. I mean, he's got better things to do than to listen to our problems. Just leave the guy alone for once. Jesus. No, not you, JC. It's just an expression. *This one was technically pointless as well, but I found it amusing. It's also pretty blasphemous, but I really was just kidding, guys. Try not to get too upset.*

23. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Xavier, that crazy cracker.

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CARTOON?
Family Guy, ATHF, or Sealab 2021. I also liked Bobby's World, despite Howie Mandel. And The Simpsons was great until it started to suck.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
*To justify how horrible my answer seems, I will include Xavier's answer.* Xavier: "I'd kill somebody, in front of their own mama, just to get me some hot and fresh biscuits and gravy, with a cup of really good coffee. And if somebody testified against me, I'd gouge their eyes out." *ATHF reference.* Me: I like biscuits and gravy, too. But probably not enough to murder someone. I had the most incredible tuna steak once. You might think tuna is pretty crappy since they sell it in cans for salad purposes, but that shit's delicious if prepared correctly. I'd slaughter innocent children for another one of those tuna steaks. I mean, I'd kill my best friend. I would actually not go back in time and keep his parents from having him JUST so I could kill him for a tuna steak. Mmmmm. Tuna. I also like corned beef hash.

So, that's how I've chosen to waste your time today. Also, I had a tuna steak shortly after writing this. It was delicious.

9:07 a.m. - August 25, 2004

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