imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Singin' in the Rain Singin' In The RainI occasionally feel like singing randomly. This is one of those days. I love it. I also love the phrase "I love it." I get chills whenever I hear it of late. That perhaps has to do with the context in which I've most often heard it over the past several days. Oh sweet, sweet context. Kissing, girls and boys, is a wonderful thing. Kiss anyone and everyone you can, unless they're some kind of dirty hobo. Ok, don't go off on some kind of kissing spree, but still. It is enjoyable. I recommend it. You think I'm an idiot now, don't you? Well, I'm not. I'm not an idiot at all. It's just taken me practically 20 years to get around to the whole exciting first date, first kiss fun parts of life. So I'm happily relishing what chances I do come by. I still haven't come up with a suitable name for this guy that I like, and I don't want to do something sappy like "SweetiePie." That's just lame. If you happen to read this and happen to have any suggestions, feel free to leave them. I do, after all, have all the commenty business that no one properly appreciate. Appreciate my comments, damn you! Anyway, I do actually like him. He's quite pleasant to be around. We can each ramble comfortably about inane crap and not care, or we can lapse into comfortable silences. I don't think I understood the meaning of comfortable silence before. I think every silence I have ever been involved in in the past was awkward in comparison. That sounds extremely sappy, but it also strikes me as true, so, whatever. One of my very good friends and his girlfriend are having a baby. My initial reaction every time I've been told this (there have been several "maybe" situations) has generally been to the effect of, "You fucking idiot." But I always feel bad about that. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, really. So, I'm going to write them all out and see if they seem less mixed, or if other people at least understand them. I say, "You fucking idiot," because it first strikes me as irresponsible. Neither my friend nor his girlfriend (whom I will hence refer to as Baby Momma, or more likely just BM, because I'm lazy) have jobs. They don't have any particular housing arrangement at this time, though they have lovely intentions of getting an apartment. Neither of them seems that keen on the whole higher education deal. I think it's highly irresponsible to have a child under those conditions. I also have a number of concerns that I'm vaguely afraid to mention to my friend. BM is bipolar. I have a fairly decent understanding of that since my mother is as well. It's not particularly pleasant. But I don't think of that as a reason for him to not love her of for her to not have children. At the same time, I question her reasons for wanting to have this baby. I've been told that she's very unhappy at home. My mother has explained to me on several occasions that she married my dad in order to get out of her house, and the he married her for much the same reason. That didn't work out so well for them. Ten years and two kids later, they got a divorce. I'm a little worried about all that. I'm also worried specifically about my friend and his reasons behind all of this. He's had a couple of relationships that seemed perfectly fine and then ended both abruptly and rather badly. I'm afraid that he's clinging violently to this relationship simply because he doesn't want all that to happen again. I can't blame him, and I feel bad about all the things that have happened before, but I don't think those are the best grounds on which to have a child. I think those are all my concerns. On to less unhappy things. I do think that BM makes him happy. I think he really does love her. I know that he is very much a worrier. As much as it seems like he's taking this whole baby thing lightly, I'm sure he's very concerned about all the details of it. He's excited, so I'm excited for him. And he's a fantastic person and likely to make a fantastic father. It seems a bit soon for that whole fathering bit, but I think he could make it work. I know that when he's serious about something, he maintains a fairly fanatical devotion to it. No matter what happens with his relationship, I'm sure he will maintain that kind of devotion for his child. I guess that overall I do think that it's stupid. But I have a vague suspicion that he can work things out. I know he'll try like hell. I'll help him out as much as I can. So, life is infinitely interesting. I'm happy. Well, mostly happy. It's always only mostly happy, isn't it? Ok, that's not quite true. I really am quite entirely happy. I was mildly distressed for a brief period last night. I actually cried over something a person said about me. See, I don't do that. I haven't done that in years. It always seems so stupid in retrospect that I avoid doing it if at all possible. I didn't quite avoid this well enough, though. All in all, I feel like I may punch someone in the face. That's probably the kind of thing I'll regret in retrospect, but what the heck. What's life without a few regrets? My sister is coming up this weekend. That should be loads of fun. I may talk to certain male folk I know and see if they'd be opposed to the hour and a half drive to meet her and see me. But that may be a little excessive. We'll see. Also, I've learned a couple other things from this whole talking to a boy affair. 1) Though cigarettes taste and smell absolutely terrible, despite what some people say, kissing a smoker is not that bad. In fact, I can't say I care at all. Though I haven't ever kissed an ashtray, I'd have to say that the thing about how kissing a smoke is like kissing an ashtray is probably not true. And, 2) I've disliked quite a few people in my time on the basis of their uber-annoying, trashy redneck accents. But not all southern accents are like that. Some people really do have those warm honey kind of accents. I quite enjoy those. It might just be a Mississippi thing. Who knows? Anyway, that's about all for now folks. I still exist! More importantly, I'm actually quite happy at the moment. I love it. 1:38 p.m. - December 06, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||