imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prospects, with a side of Suicide Prospects, with a side of SuicideNo silly, I’m not killing myself. Life has been fabulous lately. I’ve had every opportunity imaginable just kind of tossed at my feet. I’ve had all kinds of reasons to be happy. I’ve actually been happy on several occasions, which is quite a fete all on its own. But it’s been one of those weeks of questionable balance. I’ve had as many good moods as bad, I suppose. It seems the bad moods were worse than the good moods were good. It doesn’t really matter, though. Even if I felt bad, things were good. I have a paying job at LFR. It’s not particularly fulfilling work, but that’s ok. I just need a little money every now and then. My coworkers are generally agreeable and seem to like me. I only get about 10 hours of work a week, but that should be changing soon. I have a great little deal going with the university. They are giving me 72 hours of work for the yearbook. I will make about $370, which translates into somewhere between $250 and $300 given taxes and all. I just have to write stories about sports teams and pick pictures for spreads. I have my roommate deal. I’ll make a little over $500 a month from that. Overall, considering that I’ll be paying nothing for general room and board, that $500 will go a long way. On top of all that, I have an interview with the Nation’s Largest Retailer this Tuesday. I have three jobs, and may be offered a fourth. Apparently I’ve stumbled across some kind of luck. So, I expect that I should have a nice sum of money at the end of the summer. That’s for the best, since I look forward to spending a good deal of money on JournalCon in August. It’s nice to be able to even consider that possibility. But I have been undeniably and inexplicably sad. I have felt, by turns, lonely, unattractive and excessively mature. I’ve missed my best friend horribly. I’ve missed all my old friends, too. I’ve been irrational and generally unpleasant. I’ve spent an undue amount of time crying over stupid things. It’s just been kind of a bad week. And no, it’s not nature’s special time. Like I said, it’s all pretty inexplicable. And it seems like every damn thing I’ve watched has been about suicide. I think telly is trying to tell me something, but not a bad something. They’ve all been the kind of things that would make one generally not suicidal. I’ve actually been fairly impressed. The most depressing of all the things I’ve seen is The Virgin Suicides. If you have not seen it, I recommend it. It’s a very good story. Five sisters kill themselves. Their mother was a religious fanatic and a controlling bitch. Their father was a little muddled. Four boys fall in love with them from a distance and mourn their unfortunate deaths. It was all very tragic. It is the kind of thing that makes you realize what a waste suicide really is. I saw an extremely good episode of Nip/Tuck. “Megan O’Hara” introduces Sean’s mistress, Megan O’Hara. She gets breast implants after rounds of chemo and radiation therapy. Over the course of the next few episodes they have quite a passionate affair. In “Adelle Coffin” Megan commits suicide. She was dying a slow, painful death from the cancer. She was out of options. This one is pretty damn sad, too. It made me admit a circumstance in which I could view suicide as appropriate. There was a good bit of very elegant dialogue as well. Though I conceded suicide was allowable, it also made me realize that the worth of clinging to life for as long as it is worth living. The saddest (not most depressing, they are somehow different) and most beautiful suicide related telly was absolutely Joan of Arcadia. If you watch the show and have somehow missed “Jump,” you should be ashamed. The entire episode is a shining example of the art involved in television. As suicide goes, it was all about Adam’s mom. Her suicide hurt Adam a good deal. Eventually, Joan’s mom reads the note Adam’s mom left him. She wrote to him that “in a world of pain, you were, and always will be, my joy.” The episode was a beautiful testament to the pain caused by suicide, but it managed to be exquisitely happy. Even with the show’s Christian premise, it never condemns suicide. They manage to avoid saying that people who kill themselves go to hell. That was nice of them. Anyway, this has been quite a week of ups and downs. But the general outcome has been extremely positive. I’ve been told that I’m getting my hair done next week. That’s pretty damn exciting. I’ve managed to be social when necessary. I haven’t screwed up anything of great importance. I've written recaps, columns, reviews, and two mediocre entries. This has been one of the most productive and successful weeks of my life. That’s something to be proud of, I’m sure. 10:15 p.m. - May 29, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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