imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Politics of Living Politics of LivingAs compared to the rest of the nation, Alabamians spend the seventh highest percent of their average income on prescription medication. It's not just me. This state is depressing. It's probably something in the air. Also, the infamous former Chief Justice Roy Moore is sending his Ten Commandments monument on a tour of the country. Since he was ordered to remove the monument from the lobby of the state Supreme Court building, it has resided in a closet. I personally find that freakin' hilarious. I would love to say that Moore gives the state a bad name, but I'm sure most of the state's citizens firmly believe he was in the right. The American Veterans Standing for God and Country will be conducting the tour. Judge Moore is allowing them to borrow the monument for display in their God Bless America rallies. I'm going to be sick. John Kerry isn't going to go over very well here either. This state totally blows politically. I really just don't care for Bible Belt politics. The article I linked basically says that Alabamians won't back Kerry because we're traditionally a bunch of racists. That's probably true. They kind of neglected the fact that we're also traditionally homophobic. Since Massachusetts is a hotbed for the evil practices of equality, Kerry doesn't have much of a chance down n'yah. That makes me sad. I had a crazy dream the other night. Basically, I was something like drafted because Bush was reelected. It wasn't exactly a draft, but it was definitely some form of mandatory service to the government. I was less than pleased. Running to Canada was an option, but I was all "blah blah, finish my education." So we (we being various friends and family, some of whom were real and some of whom were fabricated from the stuff of dreams) decided the only way for me to dodge this was to get with child. So I did. The dream skipped over all the details of that process, so I have no idea who the father of this imaginary baby was. But apparently the scheme worked, cause I managed to not be dream-drafted. My dreams are urging you all to vote for Kerry. Spare me the agonies of unnecessary child birth, please. School is drawing perilously near. I have a whole mess of stuff to take care of with financial aid. They're currently under the impression that I owe them $3,500 before school starts. Bah. By the time I'm finished, they'll be sending me a handsome check. In fact, it should be a check to the tune of $1,500. Woo! Moneys! I'm just ready for life to get busy and interesting again. This summer has been both dull and fangoriously lazy. You'd think that something couldn't be both fangorious and lazy, but you'd be wrong. I've been more productive in the span of a week than I have over the past two months. Of course, I was also quietly going crazy and being shunted from domicile to domicile, but I'm sure those aren't very good excuses. The reading has been excellent though. I've read quite a few enjoyable books. Telly was also most excellent. I've got to catch up on some Queer as Folk. As in, I need to see everything from before the last quarter of the fourth season. I also have to catch up on Six Feet Under, although I'm not sure why I bother. Grace has, in her far less than infinite wisdom, done away with sweet sweet HBO. I guess I'll survive though. I've got a whole season of Dead Like Me to look forward to, and QaF reruns start today. How are Grace and I getting along? you may ask. At least if you're my family you'd ask. About eleventy billion times, too. The honest truth is that I have no right to complain. She's a wonderfully nice lady. She doesn't ask much of me and mostly leaves me to my own devices. Granted, I have to bathe her, heave her into and out of bed, and take care of even more unsavory tasks best left out of this account, but I get paid for all that. I get paid, AND I don't have to spend a dime on room and board. I'd say that's a damn good deal. I don't have the right to complain. And yet, I complain constantly in my head. I've come to realize through this constant companionship that I'm a practically insufferable snob. I can only stand so much stupidity. The stupidity of my peers is far more acceptable. But by my peers, I don't just mean people my age. I mean my intellectual equals. This is where the snobbery is pretty insufferable. I'm not the smartest person I know, but I'm pretty intelligent. When I do happen to make better grades than my friends, it embarrasses the hell out of me. Unless they're my close friends, in which case I brag. I'm in constant competition with my closest friends academically, thought they may not know it. I respect and enjoy the company of quite a few people with somewhat lower IQs than mine. But I have a line. Beyond a certain gap, I can't stand you. If you're average I might tolerate you. If you're anything less than, I don't want to be seen with you. This presents a problem with Grace. Grace is of about average intelligence. Granted, given her condition, she has accomplished a great deal. She has a master's in counselling. But a lot of that was achieved through hard work and perseverance. I don't work hard. I don't persevere. I can respect people who do, but I don't admire them. I don't want to be like them. I'm glad I have whatever mental gifts I've been granted, because I'm lazy. I am truly lazy. I want to put in as little work as necessary to achieve the desired result. I can write a ten page paper in a day and a half. Some people can't. I don't spend hours pouring over articles and highlighting passages and searching for just the right words. It's a gift. It's my one true talent. It's how I've skated through life. Grace doesn't skate. She struggles, or struggled, anyway. She's older than me, and maybe a little wiser, but she's not smarter. I don't look up to her. I admire what she's accomplished in spite of her disability. But I don't think of her as a peer. I don't cut the lady much slack either. She has a cutesy 10-year old pattern of speech. I know she can speak properly, but she does a lot of things just because she thinks they're cute. She likes to pronounce Rs as Ws. For example: grape juice would be "gwape juice." She talks like Elmer Fudd, basically. I don't find it amusing. It annoys the fuck out of me. Of course, some days I just hate having to do things for her. I know that she needs assistance. I understand that she can't do certain things on her own. I just hate that I'm the one doing them for her. There are just days when I find myself wanting desperately to slap her. Not only do I look down on her and despise her inabilities, I'm envious of her. Grace, with her grand total of no limbs and her stupid little lispy speech, has had boyfriends. She's had sex. She's had that whole wonderful world of coupling of which I'm forever a bystander. She's pretty enough, in a southern, inbred chinless kind of way. But I can't help but think it's sad that men find her to be attractive and dateable, but they can't think that of me. And it's not even my weight. The woman wears the same damn sizes I do. Beyond being heavyset, I kind of think I'm moderately attractive as women go. I'm not hideously disfigured. I HAVE ARMS AND LEGS. I have to think that gives me some kind of edge, and yet, it doesn't. I just wanna get laid. Is that too much to ask? Anyway, it's about time for me to head off to work. I have to straighten out this financial crap today. I have appointments to keep. I have to get my hair cut tomorrow. Woo! Hair! And in case you were wondering, I do feel extremely guilty about feeling so superior to Grace. I'm not superior to her. I know I'm not. I just get frustrated some days because my life revolves around the woman. By next summer I intend to have my own apartment. My life always seems to revolve around someone else. I'd like for it to revolve around me for a change. Also, I can't spell check this because I had to type it out in WordPad. Forgive any errors. If I think about it, I'll go back and fix things some other day.
9:52 a.m. - July 26, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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