imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary

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Out of Order

Out of Order

I push and push and push
Until I push them all away.
And even though I love them
I don't know what to say.
And it hurts and I hate it
And I'm sick of all the pain.
I'm tired of being tired,
Crushed by such great strain.
It's over, it's done
And I'm leaving it alone.
And I'm not dragging another soul
Down this dreary road.

Another Megan McClellan original. Also, I think that's the first time I've given out my ENTIRE name on this site. I better not be mugged by some random internet stalker now. Anyway, it's a pretty serious poem. It was prompted by serious things. It's also the first poem I've written in close to a year.

So, I've finally done it. Just as soon as I thought I was getting better and everyone was happy, I start fucking up other people's lives.

I'm just going to admit here and now that I have a problem. When I feel bad, I put my own concerns above the feelings of anyone and everyone I know. Thus, I've started alienating people by blathering continuously about how alienated I've been. Just as soon as I realize how many good people I know, I start making them hate me.

So the first thing I do is start whining about it. Like I said, I have a problem.

I'm sorry, guys. Just hang in there. I promise I can still be a fun, compassionate, really good friend. It might just take me a few days to get back to myself. Until then, I'm considering a vow of silence.

8:33 p.m. - September 13, 2004

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