imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love, Luck and Liquor Love, Luck and LiquorWhat a week. I hope my mood swings make me loveable, because I sure as hell can’t control them. I spent half of this week rather miserable and somehow preoccupied with suicide. (Read that so you don’t think I’m a suicidal nut. I’m just a regular-type nut, thank you.) The other half of the week was infinitely more enjoyable. I smiled and laughed and was generally pleasant. I like my pleasant days. I like being happy. My good moods tend to be kind of contagious. I’m pretty good at perking up other people when I’m in my love, luck and lollipops state of mind. These moods strike randomly and infrequently of late. I have to take advantage of them while they last. Rolling in cash is on the schedule for this summer. That’s always a happy thought. I’ll be completely broke for the next two or three weeks, and I don’t have any damn gasoline, but that’s all survivable. I’d rather not have to whore myself out for gas money, but you gotta do what you gotta do, as they say. I just can’t wait until I get my first roommate related check. It should cover all my outstanding debts! Woo! I can get back to trying to establish good credit! It’ll just take me an extra five years thanks to all the check bouncing and late payments. That check is already divided out in my mind. Something like $50 goes to my former bank. Then I’ll close that account. Approximately $150 will go to my cellular service provider. The happiest allotment will be the $60 registration fee for JournalCon. The tiny amount of money remaining will either manage to make it into the bank, or will pay for various gifts that I haven’t had the funds to purchase in a timely manner. My dad and Pat should be thrilled. Funny things make me happy. This is one of my random observations. It’s something that makes sense, but no one ever really thinks about it. I was blissfully happy yesterday. I had an absolutely terrific day. The previous day had some ups and downs, but Friday was awesome. I just woke up happy. Some people have gorgeously happy birthdays. Mine are usually mildly pleasant. I can’t recall having any bad birthdays, they’re just never fantastic. I’m happiest on other people’s birthdays. So, yesterday was Pat’s birthday, and I was thrilled. This is the same selfishly selfless concept that causes me so many problems yet is one of my finer qualities. But I like the birthday thing. My friends’ birthdays are important. I spent a day celebrating my best friend’s life. I like that I was happy all day. In other news, I came damn close to crossing off an item on the Master To Do List. Practically drunk is fun, and Smirnoff Ice is better than candy. I’m apparently a sappy drunk. I laugh at every damn thing, but I could be reduced to tears just as easily. I’m basically highly volatile, but I doubt I’d be capable of any kind of anger. Anger takes a lot more focus than I was particularly capable of. Stupid focus. Along the same lines, I have a new idol. She should be the poster child of intelligent people who do inappropriate things because you can still have fun despite being smart. She’s also a damn good writer. I realized yesterday that I can’t remember my last birthday at all. I remember all the plans Pat and I made, and I remember the lack of money that put an end to those plans. I know I went home that weekend and my family bought me food. I can’t remember what I did on the actual day. While writing this, I’ve come up with some vague suspicion that we went to our favorite trashy 24-hour diner. I like how my selective memory has just kind of cut out that day. Like I said, I’m not a big fan of my own birthdays. They just kind of happen. It’s still awfully weird to have no memory of the day. I’m scheduled to work today. If those bastards tell me I can just leave I’m going to be pissed. If they’re only going to schedule me for four fucking hours, they can at least bother giving me those. Damn them. 12:41 p.m. - June 05, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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