imwithjonas's Diaryland Diary
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So, I'm totally awesome. You may begin your worship. I accept sacrifices in the form of checks, money orders, or PayPal. Contact me for more information.
On the serious side of things, I've been thinking a lot about my grandfather lately. I keep up with the old ER episodes on TNT, and Dr. Greene's father just died. That kind of brought on this whole Gramps train of thought. He died of lung cancer, much as Dr. Greene's father. He was also stubborn, etc. He drank and smoked until the day he died, I'm sure. I wasn't actually there, but I think it's a pretty safe assumption.
Anyway, he was really cool. He was nice, soft spoken, and funny. He served a couple years in WWII in Alaska. He lived there for a few years after that. He always told stories about the incredible fish up there. He loved fishing. I never got to go fishing with him. I wish I had.
So, that's my depressing memorial for the day. Grandpa was a great man, and I miss him a good deal. I'm not sure why that matters right now, but it does.
I've also become some kind of compulsive liar. When people ask me if I'm ok, I say yes. I'm actually doing pretty good today, but recently the actual answer is no. I've been depressed and lonely. When people ask me what's wrong I say nothing. That's not true either. Loads of things are wrong. I could go on at great length about what's wrong, except that I never do. Last night my mom asked me if I was depressed. I told her I'm not. I recently went to a therapist and got back on anti-depressants, but I left that part out.
This is what I do. I don't tell people any of the deep, dark, innermost secrets kind of stuff. I keep all that deep, dark and secret. I'll occasionally admit to whatever happens to be floating on the surface at the moment, but that's never all there is. I just don't like burdening other people with my problems. I'm not really sure how to get over that. Most of me doesn't want to get over it, but the rest of me knows I should. It's not a very healthy way to live.
I did, however, get my hair cut! Woo! It's pretty. I got about 10 inches hacked off of it. It's all bouncy and curly and pretty now. I'd forgotten how great it is to go to a salon. Hair stylists love my hair. They go on at great lengths about how thick and nicely colored it is. They love the natural highlights. They love the sheer masses of it. They just love my hair. I missed all the random compliments. And the hair lady here is totally awesome even without the compliments. So I feel like I've treated myself. Which is good, because I paid $27 for this hair cut. I somehow feel that's exhorbitant, but I think that's just because I've always been so cheap in the past. And I got her to blow dry it. That probably tacked on the last $7. Eh bien.
Vacation weekend is upon me. Yay!
9:40 a.m. - July 29, 2004
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